Six Floors Under

What floor, pal? [[What?]] [[Where am I?]] [[Who are you?]] [[How should I know?]] (set: $elevatorMoving to false) (set: $hellJoke to false) (set: $rude to false) (set: $judge to false) (set: $anger to false)

I said, what floor, pal? [[That's not really what I meant.]] [[Where am I?]] [[Who are you?]] [[How should I know?]]

What's it look like? [[... An elevator?]]

The name's Jerry. Can't you read the nametag? [[Yeah, but who *are* you?]] [[Where am I?]]

*Sigh*. Okay, pal. Bottom floor it is, then. [[Wait, hold on! Am I going to hell or something?]] [[What's on the bottom floor?->What's on the bottom floor?]] (set: $elevatorMoving to true)

*Sigh*. Pal, if you've got a question, you should ask it. Don't just say 'what?' and expect me to know what you're askin'. [[Jeez, fine. Where am I?->Where am I?]] [[Jeez, fine. Who are you?->Who are you?]]

I'm the elevator operator. [[What's-?]] [[Where am I?]]

I run the elevator. Make sure everyone gets where they're going. The profession fell out of fashion in your world, I think. Real shame. [[Where is the elevator going?]]

That depends on you, pal. You still haven't given me a floor. [[How should I know what floor?->How should I know?]]

Ding ding ding! Great detective work, really impressive stuff. Now, what floor? [[How should I know?]]

You: Because this seems kind of hell-coded… A hellevator. Jerry: Oh wooow, good one. Looks like someone was a comedy major. [[(continue)->What's on the bottom floor?]] (set: $hellJoke to true)

You really ask a lot of questions, huh? The bottom floor is what you make it. Just enjoy the ride. [[...]] [[Am I dead?]] [[So seriously, where are we going?]]

... [[Am I dead?]] [[So seriously, where are we going?]]

Oh yeah, for sure. Was that not clear? (if: $hellJoke is true)[I mean, I kinda thought you got that on account of the hell comment.] [[I can't be dead.]] [[But I don't believe in an afterlife.]] [[This can't be right.]]

Let me see here... OH, that is *brutal*... Wow... Oh that's... Man, I almost feel bad now... That is *embarrassing*! ... Ah, I'm just messin' with you. I've got no idea. [[Aren't you supernatural, though?]] [[Is there any way back?]]

Don't you know how death works? No, there's no way back. You're done. [[But there was more I wanted to do.]] [[But I'm not ready yet.]]

If I had a nickel for everybody who was ready, I wouldn't even have enough money for bird seed. What makes you so special? [[I was kind.]] [[I was important.]] [[I was loved.]] [[I'm not special.]] (set: $kind to false) (set: $important to false) (set: $loved to false)

Lots of people are kind. That's nice, but it doesn't make you special. (set: $kind to true) (if: $important is false)[ [[I was important.]] ] (if: $loved is false)[ [[I was loved.]] ] [[I'm not special.]]

Plenty of people are important. Everybody, according to some people. That doesn't make you special. (set: $important to true) (if: $kind is false)[ [[I was kind.]] ] (if: $loved is false)[ [[I was loved.]] ] [[I'm not special.]]

Everybody's loved by somebody. Bully for you, but that's about the least special thing you can be. (set: $loved to true) (if: $important is false)[ [[I was important.]] ] (if: $kind is false)[ [[I was kind.]] ] [[I'm not special.]]

Everybody has more they wanted to do. It's an infinite world out there. You could have done anything. But nobody gets to do everything. The real thing is, did you make what you *did* do count? [[Yes.]] [[No.]] [[I think so.]]

Eh. Maybe! That doesn't mean I get the deets on all the dead, though. I wouldn't want that anyway, that sounds grim as hell. [[What do you mean, maybe?]] [[I want to get back. There has to be a way.->There has to be a way]]

Good. Then what are you worried about? [[I'm afraid. What's waiting for me?]]

That's too bad. But there's nothing you can do about it now, so there's no need to stress about it. [[I'm afraid. What's waiting for me?]]

Then you probably did. Good for you. So what are you worried about? [[I'm afraid. What's waiting for me?]]

Yeah. But don't get yourself down about it. Nobody's more special than death, pal. [[How did I die?]] [[But there was more I wanted to do.]] [[But I still want to get back. There has to be a way.->There has to be a way]]

You seem to think I've got all the answers. I don't. I just run the elevator. [[Aren't you supernatural, though?]]

There doesn't have to, actually. I mean, for all you know this is just a hallucination produced in your final moments to help you deal with death. [[Is it?]] [[But what about the stories?]]

I dunno. It could be. I'd like to think it's literal, though. I don't wanna be a figment of your imagination. [[I don't want you to be either.]] [[I wish you were.]]

I deal with the dead all day every day. You want me to have respect for *all* of them? [[Yes.->Respect]] [[I guess not, but I haven't done anything to you.->Haven't done anything]] (set: $rude to true)

You ask too many questions. I could be listening to a podcast right now if you'd quit your yappin'. [[There are podcasts in the underworld??]] [[Jeez. You're pretty prickly, you know that?]]

What makes dead people so special? A jerk's a jerk in my book. Don't matter if they got a pulse or not. [[Jeez. You're pretty prickly, you know that?]]

What, you mean myths about this stuff? Look around, pal. I don't think any of them say you're gonna end up in an elevator. [[But still...]]

You got a real Eurydice complex, my friend. Or is it a Persephone complex? But if you're thinkin' that I'm your Hades, you'd better buy me dinner first. The point is, you're toast. This elevator don't go up. If an Orpheus comes for you, he's stuck down here just like you are. [[What about you? Can't you let me go?]]

Maybe... What's in it for me, pal? [[Money.]] [[Gratitude.]] [[The satisfaction of knowing you've done a good deed.->GoodDeed]] (set: $money to false) (set: $gratitude to false) (set: $goodDeed to false)

Ha! You think I need money? I'm a psychopomp! Besides, look at me. I'm obviously employed. For all you know, I've got a 401k. (if: $gratitude is false)[ [[Okay, then you'd have my gratitude.->Gratitude.]] ] (if: $goodDeed is false)[ [[Okay, then you'd have the satisfaction of doing a good deed.->GoodDeed]] ] [[...->Long silence]] (set: $money to true)

Sorry, pal. Ain't no store in the world that takes gratitude as payment. For all you know, I've got a dozen mouths to feed back home. (if: $money is false)[ [[Okay, then I'd pay you.->Money.]] ] (if: $goodDeed is false)[ [[Okay, then you'd have the satisfaction of doing a good deed.->GoodDeed]] ] [[...->Long silence]] (set: $gratitude to true)

How do I know it's a good deed? For all I know, you're a serial killer or a loan shark or a person who looks at their phone at the movie theater. (if: $money is false)[ [[Okay, then I can pay you.->Money.]] ] (if: $goodDeed is false)[ [[Okay, then you'd have my gratitude.->Gratitude.]] ] [[...->Long silence]] (set: $goodDeed to true)

Does it matter if I'm a skeletal ferryman, or guy in a cloak with a scythe, or just some bird? You're going to the same place either way. Though to be honest, Charon's got it the best. At least he gets tips. [[What if I paid you to let me go?->Money.]]

It's a long way down. [[... Is this it?]]

You: I mean, is it this forever? Jerry: Ha! Ha ha ha ha! (if: $rude is true)[Now who's the rude one, pal?] Are you saying being stuck in here with me is as good as purgatory? [[Well, is it?]]

Nah. As a matter of fact, here's your floor now. (The doors open) Good luck out there, pal. [[I guess this is goodbye.]]

It sure is. Unless you're plannin' on dyin' again anytime soon. Ha ha ha! (The player has to walk through the doors. There is nothing else to do.)

Oh, you're like, super dead. Was that not clear? (if: $hellJoke is true)[I mean, I kinda thought you got that on account of the hell comment.] [[I can't be dead.]] [[But I don't believe in an afterlife.]] [[This can't be right.]]

You: I don't even remember dying. Jerry: Eh, it's not uncommon. It'll probably come back to you eventually. Though I'm not sure why you'd want that particular memory. [[Then what's your role?->Then are you here to judge me?]] [[I don't believe you.]] [[How did I die?]] [[Is there any way back?]]

Too bad, buddy, 'cause you're in it. Or on your way, at least. [[Then what's your role?->Then are you here to judge me?]] [[I don't believe you.]] [[How did I die?]] [[Is there any way back?]]

You: I mean, this isn't what the afterlife is supposed to be. Jerry: Oh, this isn't it. You'll get to your final destination soon enough if you'll just hold your horses. Think of this like the River Styx, or Anubis's scales, or St. Peter's gate if you like. [[Then are you here to judge me?]] [[I don't believe you.]] [[How did I die?]] [[Is there any way back?]] (set: $judge to true)

(if: $judge is true)[Oh, no no no! I guess maybe my comparisons need some work... ]I'm just a guide, see? I take you down to your floor, but that's it. [[Then hypothetically, what would happen if I killed you?]]

Okay? Not my problem, pal. [[That's rude. Shouldn't you have respect for the dead?]]

HA! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Oh, I needed that. Heh heh. Anyway, I'd like to see you try, pal. [[That's rude. Shouldn't you have respect for the dead?]]

See, that's another question. Didn't I say I was gettin' sick of those? [[Jeez. You're pretty prickly, you know that?]]

Excuse you. I happen to think I'm a real treat. [[Hm.]]

Hm. [[How did I die?]] [[Is there any way back?]]

Really? ... Why? [[Because then I'd be alone.]]

... Yeah. Well, lucky I'm here, then. ... [[This elevator's taking a long time.]]

Yeah? You wanna be alone in here? [[...->Silence]]

... [[This elevator's taking a long time.]]

... [[...->Longer silence]]

... [[...->Longest silence]]

... ... Okay, you're freakin' me out, pal? Did I break you? You're never this quiet. [[Just thinking.]]

Yeah? Penny for your thoughts. [[Will other people be down there? On my floor?]]

You: People I knew who died? Jerry: Maybe. I've got no idea, really. I just work the elevator. [[Oh.]]

But I hope they are, pal. [[Thanks.]]

Yeah. ... [[This elevator's taking a long time.]]